may be

today i have nothing to write about. i thought a lot about this. i usually come up with some submerged feeling of mine, spice it up a little, add incidents from my past and make it seem true.but today i have nothing to write about.though in the past couple of weeks i have thought a lot about a lot of things which include cricket, relationships, fears, racism, take overs, pink floyd etc etc.most of my writings have one or the other dates associated with them but today i don't have anything to write because i don't remember anything.

i am 23 now which is odd and prime and i feel no different.after all this you might ask me why do i continue writing i would say i don't know but i continue writing.

i just saw a small ant moving on my white floors. it looked in all possible directions for a move ahead. it found nothing. only infinite space around it. i don't know what it was thinking then, may be it was in a state of fear.i killed it. its just a small tiny ant which we keep killing. but you can call me what you want to.

i was never like this before. i never will be like this after i finish writing this piece of nonsense.i have changed for sure.i have been reading a lot in the recent past which is making me think a lot.this is weird. let me finish here.
i am feeling really really weird.

bye

Closed Doors

I am writing about this again. I have written about it in all my blogs. I continue writing about this for a reason which I think I don't know.

Coffee's, tea's, the falling raindrops, the closed doors, the playing piano, the glowing lights just remind me of one thing. Its not gonna come back. I try so hard to recollect what I expected but I think the impact has been so strong that I have forgotten them. The old woman used to tell me "It will be the way it should be". She was so true. I never believed in her. I always spoke against her.

Now I am sitting in this dimly lit room, my legs folded , my face down. The door of this room is now open. Everything outside the room is closed and moving. Its going ahead. Once upon a time all the doors used to be always open. I was free. I was a daily there. I knew every bit of dust there.Now everything is new. Hmmm....

I experienced it yesterday.. I experienced it today.

I will experience it tomorrow.

An Assasin

I had to be an assasin.

Dipped in the red colour of a rose I had seen years ago,
there was only one way I could do it.

I searched for that little boy I had lost in the woods of wonder.
Little he knew of the world around.
Everybody knew him,the wind,the trees,the rain and their shadows.
Far away he could see the water flowing quietly.
Sitting on top of that rock he knew that if he had to be happy he had to be him,forever.

But there was only one way I could do it.

Covered in the arms of his father,
He fought the strongest of the winds.
Tears dint find a place in his eyes.
He was breathing innocence.

But there was only one way I could do it.

It was a dark cold night.
The stars were all out, to witness the end.
I had to do it, I had to "change".
He cried, he was still breathing innocence.

I had a thought, I buried it.
I had happiness, I buried it.
I had a dream, I buried it.
I had a life, I buried it deep.

I searched for that little boy I had lost in the woods of wonder.
I never got him again.

The Comeback - One

It was more than a month ago when I landed here in Bangalore. The city wasn't alien to me. I had come here before but till now i 'unbelonged' here. That day was a different day.

I had big boxes and a couple of bags with me.It wasn't easy to take them to my house. I was tired. But boxes weren't the only things that made me tired and weak. In fact, their stake was small, very very small.

13/07/2007, Friday

Place: They call it the Main Gate of SJCE,Mysore
Time: 11 30 PM

I was sitting pretty behind a black activa which was running at a moderate speed. As soon as I entered my college I felt weird. Yes weird. Thats the right word. I started hiding myself from every possible thing around me. I could see the empty basketball with ghosts of eight people who apparently couldn't talk to each other sitting on its floor. They just couldn't. They seemed the same eight characters, the dude, the genius, the babe, the other babe, the stocks guy, the kid,me and our Shannon Theorem guy.

I got scared.I told you I felt really weird.

I went to the hostel. Bang!! It was a graveyard.

My story with the corporate world has begun. Its an old story. Same expected twists. And some new unexpected upsetters.I think I will survive.I think.

Init 0

Rehearsal

Its 4 30 in the morning and i am not able to sleep. I am playing a soft Adnan Sami number and its drizzling outside. Both my roommates are sleeping and the door is open. There is a cool breeze flowing which is carrying the smell of rain and also the darkness of night.Smell of darkness. A light is flashing at a room far away. I don't know whats going on his mind. I am here to tell you whats going in my mind. Its simple. My mind is not ready to accept the change.

7 Hours Before

It was a simple turn which had 3 roads joining. There was nothing great about it. Lawn, a footpath, some boards and a sky above. 3 bikes came in there. Stopped at the turn. The sky was clear. Stars shining. But we couldn't see them. The darkness around them seemed more prominent. It did.
We started wondering what went wrong.It was stupid. We were friends. Good friends.We were questioning God.It had to be this way. But we were refusing. Like kids. Like 22 year old kids.
She came. We said "Hi".

We were 6 of us there. The dude, the genius, the kid, the stocks guy, the babe and me. The dude kept quiet most of the time, silently uttering the names of guys he would miss. The names evaporated in air.It was the same smell again. The smell of darkness. The genius refused to have a conversation with me. His mind like mine dint want to accept the change. He knew what i would tell and what i would mean. I told you, we were good friends.

The stocks guy. He was sitting beside the lamp post. Thinking.He was the one who would teach me how to "get over" it.I trusted him. But then, he was thinking. Scared me.

The babe was there looking at our helpless faces.Made her more helpless.She tried to do everything she could.But the guys wouldn't agree.It was 9 45. She had to go.

Pink Floyd guitars played.The grass was greener.The lights were bright.The taste was sweet.Friends surrounded.

The kid cried. We all, lost in thoughts, tried to console ourselves. It dint happen.The babe left.Slowly we departed.Rehearsal.

Gang Bang

Over 50 mad boys. God gave them the weirdest sense of humour ever. They wear some kinda "clothes" made of wood, leaves, hangers, rods and what not! They move through their hostel like tsunami. On a Sunday afternoon when the whole of Mysore was sleeping after a hearty meal they erupt. The most brutal volcano ever.The boys jump on tables, splash water, break glasses! The warden of their hostel follows them like a puppy. U call it madness.

Ha Ha.

I call it Gang Bang!!!!