Phoonk De! - I

“Deepa has come to office today”, Akhil pinged Siddharth on the messenger and sent a tongue smiley. “She is wearing her white top, Commando!”

“I’m coming over there, let’s go for coffee!”

This was a scene from the 3^rd floor of Progress Technologies Ltd, the IT Company in which, Akhil and Siddharth worked. It employed 1500 people and was situated in the outskirts of Kolkata; like every software firm Progress Tech paid the employees well enough for them to afford good food, clothes, house and condoms for their girlfriends.

“Too many jobless people in the coffee corner on Fridays! There she is, behind that ass***e Vikram”

“Baithne ke liye bhi jagah nahi hai. Chal!” Akhil sighed.

“Movie tonight?” Sid asked.

“Sure! Let’s book the tickets right away, tera Credit card hai na?”

After 15 minutes of movie reviewing and a couple of not-so-friendly stares from their co-workers both Akhil and Sid decided to watch “Vantage Point”. To their disappointment all the tickets for the movie were booked and the only choice left for them was tickets for “Reshma ki Jawani”.They were so engrossed in Deepa Ki Jawani that they thought watching Reshma would be a waste of time. They decided to spend the night at home fantasizing Deepa over beer.

Period: 8:30 PM, Home

“Life bahut kamini cheez hai yaar, Deepa is not responding at all! I’m not getting promoted and this beer is not cold!” Sid shouted.

“Haan.” Akhil said, watching Priyanka Chopra trying to seduce Akshay Kumar in her office.

“Yeh Dekh! And be happy!” laughed Akhil.

“Dude, where are the cigarettes? I told you to get a pack; its almost 10 now and I need it! the shop here will be closed!”

Siddharth paid no attention as he was busy looking at Priyanka. He wondered how it would be if Deepa did the same to him at office, Deepa! His love, Deepa! His Priyanka. Siddharth dint pay attention as Akhil took the bike key and sped away towards Laka. It was his only hope to find cigarettes. A dense forest and a couple of small villages away before Akhil could make it to Laka. He remembered that he had to go to his cousin’s place the next day to attend a family gathering. The beer he was going to drink for the rest of the night would not help, but he didn’t care. What’s a Friday night without beer!

Akhil’s speedometer showed 85 Km/Hour. It was a long dark road. The municipality lights hardly worked, Akhil was particularly happy about his bike’s headlights which were glowing to the fullest. Akhil had no thoughts running through his mind now. He had forgotten to wear his jacket and it was very cold. But he wanted smoke, Laka’s smoke. After a dry spell of darkness Akhil spotted a small bulb around 200 meters away. He breathed a little easy now.

Deepa made her way back into Akhil’s mind. The thought of her made him miss his jacket a little more. She was very beautiful. Once she had smiled at him in the elevator. It had been an awesome day, the elevator was full Akhil was standing near the door when he saw Deepa running towards the lift. That day Vikram went to his meeting a couple of minutes late, Sandeep was yelled at by his manager and the lift was literally jam packed, that day Deepa had come in, looked at him and smiled.

Dhussshhhhhhh!!!!!

The romance in the woods was cut short by the deafening noise that came out of his bike’s rear wheel. It occurred to him that he was in the middle of a jungle with a punctured tyre and Deepa was nowhere near him. That glowing bulb a few feet away was the only light he could see around. The forest around him looked dark with the occasional lights of the fireflies around. He wanted to be surrounded by people. He was missing Siddharth.

With the engine of his bike still running Akhil put the side stand of his bike, breathing heavily. He could hear his own breath. He went near his rear tyre and bent down to check what had happened. Slowly the light from the far away bulb was getting dimmer, Akhil looked up. A tall figure moved across the room faraway blocking the light. It stood blocking the light creating a long shadow. For no reason Akhil tried to hide behind his wheel. He realized it was foolish but he somehow wanted to be safe from the figure inside the house.

Only after a while did it occur to Akhil that the ghostly figure walking in that hut was his only source of help. But it took a few minutes for Akhil to look in that direction directly to make any point of contact. He took out the side stand and moved the vehicle towards the hut with the engines still running and the headlights still flashing. He carefully moved ahead browsing through the surroundings for any kind of human or animal attack. Damn you Laka !!

Akhil reached the entrance of the hut and still was not able to make up his mind about going in or going back. He could see a photo of Lord Shiva and a few tyres kept inside. Tyres! Did it mean his problem was solved? Subconsciously his left hand made contact with the horn on his bike and pressed it for a couple of seconds, the sound of the horn made Akhil shiver. A few bats flew off the trees adding to the noise.

“Puncture nikalna hai to andar aao”, a voice echoed through the hut. It had been 32 minutes since his last conversation with another human. It had been with Siddharth and mainly about Deepa and her assets,on his couch. 32 minutes later somebody spoke to him in the midst of a dense forest along a dark road, from a hut with the smell of smoke coming from it. Akhil felt the urge to annul the last 32 minutes of his life.

Akhil went in; a man sat on a deer skin carpet with a beedi in his left hand and a glass of liquid in his right hand. He wore a full vest and clay colored dhoti.

“Aao”

“Ji, puncture nikalna tha”

“Pata hai. Andar aao”

“Ji gaadi bahar hai, kya aap puncture nikaalenge?”

The man took a small matchbox and walked all the way till Akhil; he lit a stick and held it on the right hand side.

“PARVATI PUNCTURE SHOP” the board read Akhil was all smiles.

“Mera naam Ramdas hai, aawaz sunte hi pechaan liya tha ki yeh puncture hai. Aagey ya peeche?”

“Haan ?”

“Ji, aagey ya peechey ? “

“Haan peeche , peeche aage nahi”

Akhil could not believe his luck. His tyre was punctured and not even 50 steps ahead he finds Goddess Parvati blessing him with a puncture shop. Suddenly he realized that he was all alone in the hut. Ramdas was already out checking his bike.

“Gaon jaana padega saab, pump gaon mein hai. Aap ko mere saath aana padega”

“Chalo” Akhil immediately decided of ditching Laka as he would get his share of smoke and more from Ramdas‘s gaon.

In the next five minutes Akhil found himself sitting behind Ramdas on the cycle carrier holding his tyre. He remembered an advertisement of a motor service, where two people get their vehicle serviced in the middle of a desert. The last fifteen minutes were nothing short of an awesome advertisement of an improved India!

It was 11.23 in the night when Ramdas, Akhil and the cycle reached Bholegaon. There was no sight of a single electric pole in the village. But all he wanted in the village was a pump and if possible a pack of Wills king. Men roamed around in the village with a Rudraksha mala and a Yoga Danda chanting Shiva s name. Three pairs of surprising gloomy womanish eyes looked at Akhil from the window of one of the houses. Surprisingly all the doors to the houses in the village were open even at that time of the night and all the men smoked.

“Chalo dhuaan toh milega!” Akhil thought to himself and smiled.

The cycle stopped and Akhil got down. He looked up and saw that he could see all the stars. It was a wonderful evening he thought. Amongst nobody he knew, in a far off village which looked like a pre independence Indian village. Akhil felt like the king of Bholegaon, the only educated human around, from a senior software engineer to an emperor, who doesn’t like change? Akhil smiled at his promotion.

“Saab aap andar baithiye mein aata hun”

Akhil entered the big house. He fantasized of himself on a throne and the people of Bholegaon as his subjects. He made himself comfortable on a deer skin. It was after 2 minutes of dead silence that he heard somebody’s footsteps from the back. He heard heavy exhaling and the lamp went off.

Dhud! A strong iron rod came down on Akhil's head bringing his fantasies to an end.

P.S.: Thanks to Shwetha for her inputs and editing.